Why Trying to Conceive Can Become So All Consuming

Trying to conceive can start as something hopeful and exciting.

Then, before you know it, you are thinking about cycle days, cervical mucus, ovulation tests, symptoms, dates and pregnancy tests constantly.

It can start to feel like your whole month is built around one question:

Could this be the month?

Why can TTC take over your thoughts?

Because there is so much waiting and uncertainty.

You can do everything right and still not know what is happening inside your body.

That can make it very easy to keep checking for clues.

Was that cramp different?

Are my breasts more sore?

Is my temperature still high?

Should I test today?

You are looking for an answer that your body may not be ready to give you yet.

Why does the two week wait feel so hard?

Once ovulation has happened, there is often nothing else you can really do.

You wait.

And when you want something badly, waiting can feel incredibly long.

That is why every little symptom can suddenly feel important.

Can tracking help, or can it make TTC feel harder?

Tracking can be really helpful.

It can help you understand your cycle, when you may be fertile, what your cervical mucus is doing, when your LH surge happens and how your temperature changes afterwards.

It gives you something real to follow instead of guessing.

But TTC can still become mentally exhausting.

Sometimes the difficult part is everything that happens between the data.

You log your fertile signs, then start wondering about every cramp, twinge or symptom while you wait to find out what happened this cycle.

Is it okay to take a break from tracking?

Yes.

Taking a break does not mean tracking was a bad idea.

It just means you are paying attention to what you need too.

Maybe you track fewer things for one cycle.

Maybe you skip the ovulation tests for a little while.

Maybe you take a full cycle off.

And then you come back when it feels useful again.

There is no prize for tracking everything perfectly every month.

What if sex starts to feel like a job?

That can happen too.

When sex starts being planned around fertile days, it can begin to feel less spontaneous.

It can help to remember that your fertile window is several days long. Everything does not depend on one exact moment.

And if TTC is starting to put pressure on your relationship, talking about how you are both feeling can help.

What if my period comes again?

That can really hurt, especially if you had started imagining that this might be the month.

You can be happy with the life you already have and still feel disappointed.

You can be hopeful for next month and still need a little time to be sad about this one.

What if everyone else seems to be getting pregnant?

Pregnancy announcements can hit differently when you are trying yourself.

You can genuinely be happy for someone and still feel sad for yourself.

Both feelings can exist at the same time.

If certain conversations or social media accounts are making TTC feel harder, it is okay to give yourself a little space from them.

How do I know if tracking is helping me?

Ask yourself one simple question:

Is this helping me understand my body, or is it making me feel more anxious?

If it is helping, keep going.

If it is making TTC feel heavier, it is okay to pull back a little.

One of the reasons we built The Mama Years was to keep your cycle information in one place, so you are not trying to piece everything together from five different apps, test strips, notes and Google searches.

The goal is not to track everything perfectly.

The goal is to have the information when it helps you, and give yourself space when it does not.

Read next

• We Timed Everything Perfectly. Why Am I Not Pregnant?

• The Two Week Wait: What Is Actually Happening in Your Body?

• When Should I Take a Pregnancy Test?

• When Should We Have Sex to Get Pregnant?